When we were in school, I was a non-person to you. Someone who was enough different looking thaat I was thee object of your teasing or ignoring from the fourth grade on.
Even those of you whodidn't tease me, but hung around with those who did hurt me in many ways.
One of you flat out said that you hated me because I was too smart and brought the average up. That may have been a joke to you, but it wasn't to me. It didn't matter what I did, good or bad, it wasn't good enough for any of you. That's an attitude I've carried with me for a long time. When my best isn't good enough, I get upset and angry and begin talking myself down. All becuase I never felt important enough to be your friend.
One person told me that she wanted very much to be my friend, but I was too straight. She wanted to hang with the popular people I guess. We had been best friends through the sixth grade.
All of these things took their toll on my personality, on my self worth.
I didn't understand then tht it didn't matter what you thought of me. But kids don't understand that, any more than they understand what they say is hurtful.
When we all grew up, and went our own ways, some of us ran into each other form time to time. I was amazed that the attitudes toward me as an adult was so different than as a child or teen. I didn't understand why there was a difference until I began observing children on a regular basis.
Children are malicious when they can get away with it, or when confronted with the different or unknown. The adults around them should intervene and let them know that their behaviour is unexceptable.
I know now that the difference between your attitude as a child or teen and an adult is maturity and understanding.
The child that was me has a hard time forgiving the child that was you. The things that hurt me deeply then have interfered with the way I handle myself as an adult. It's up to me to deal with these things myself. Set aside the hurt.
I am an important person. I was a sweet and loving child that just wanted friendship and kind words. It wasn't too much to ask, really. I can excuse your behaviour now, because you ahve changed and matured. Many adults don't remember being cruel as children.
I am learning to accept myself for who I am, and all I expect from you is to remember being cruel, and teach your children, and grandchildren not to be as you were.